The Over-the-Top Swim Mom Was Me

A couple of weeks ago, my Timehop app showed me what happened six years ago – Sarah Kate’s very first swim meet. We watched the video of her swimming the 25 yard backstroke as a family, and Mr. Andi’s description of it was spot on.

It looked like controlled drowning.

Fast forward six years and the difference is remarkable, made even more so by the fact that she took a GIANT step back with her surgery two years ago. The surgery didn’t just keep her out of swim for one summer, it set her back for at least a year (and I’d argue more like two).

See the difference for yourself:

We didn’t push Sarah Kate do swim team (or softball, for that matter)…she asked us to do it. Not only did we not make her, we almost didn’t even let her, because we were afraid. If it hadn’t been for Coach Cathy, swim team would never have happened, and there’s no doubt it’s been good for her.

I was happy when she went back to swim last year. She had expressed an interest in golf, given that her softball career was over, but at the last minute she decided to swim instead. At that point, she was a year out from her surgery, and although she had worked hard  – especially in the beginning during that horrible summer of rehab right after – a year had gone by and she had plateaued.

Swimming got her over the hump.

She only entered one meet, and reluctantly at that, but she felt better, and Coach Cathy encouraged her to join the high school swim team in the fall. Things went so well last fall that she was discharged from physical therapy…for the first time in her life.

Last Thursday was the intrasquad meet for summer swim team, and the 50-yard backstroke was Sarah Kate’s first event. Until last fall, she had never had to do a turn in backstroke because she never swam it for more than 25 yards. I was lined up at the end of her lane with my camera as she approached, her arms straighter than I’d ever seen them.

Then came the turn.

It seemed to take an eternity for her to switch directions. She finished with a personal best (guaranteed since she hasn’t done the 50 before), and Coach Cathy came over to congratulate and encourage her. And then I opened my big mouth.

I said that her turn was too slow.

Out loud.

To her coach.

With Sarah Kate listening.

To make matters worse, a few minutes later I watched the video. The turn was not only legal, it was perfect, and while it wasn’t fast, it was a lot quicker than I remembered.

I felt sick to my stomach.

The year that she had SDR surgery, she saw one particular physical therapist a lot. She was good, but word around town was that a lot of parents didn’t care for her because she was so tough. One day when we were at her office, she told another parent how tough I was with Sarah Kate about doing her therapy. It gave me pause, and so began a decade of questioning if I am TOO tough.

We never pushed her to do sports, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t pushed her.

I recently read Say What You Will, a YA novel by Cammie McGovern about Amy, a high school senior with cerebral palsy, and her friend Matthew with obsessive-compulsive disorder. I enjoyed the book, but the one character that stood out to me was Amy’s mother. I felt both empathy and frustration with her, because I’ve BEEN her and I understood why she did the things she did that made Amy crazy. Say What You Will made me wonder if I’m making my own daughter crazy.

Watching that backstroke video showed me I am.

I don’t know if what I said affected Sarah Kate at all (heck, I’m not even sure she was listening – reading this post after I hit Publish may be the first time she hears it) – but for the rest of the meet, I was more cognizant of what I was saying and how I reacted. Maybe I was an over-the-top mom (maybe I’m always an over-the-top mom), but it didn’t stop her from smiling at me while she was swimming the breaststroke (for the first time, I might add).

Her third and final event was the 50-yard freestyle. She hoped to beat her previous personal best, and told me she wanted me to stand midway down the length of the pool and yell for her if it looked at the turn like she might make it (never mind that she always, always, always says that she can’t hear me yelling). I told her I would, not really expecting her to do it after such a long hiatus, and knowing I’d resolved just a little while earlier not to be That Mom anymore.

When she made the turn I checked the clock…and then checked it again, thinking I’d misread the board. I yelled, as per my instructions, and then when she crossed the midline of the pool I went a little crazy. She blew her previous time out of the water, knocking eight seconds off – from 1:11.76 down to 1:03.39. Coach Cathy thinks she can break a minute before the season is over.

My name is Andi, and I’m the Over-the-Top Swim Mom.