Has Your Woobie Become a Straitjacket?

Have you ever seen the 80s film Mr. Mom, starring Michael Keaton and Teri Garr? If you have, you probably remember the scenes involving the little boy, Kenny, and his “woobie” – the security blanket he struggled to part with, no matter how dirty or ripped it became. If you’ve never seen it, here’s a quick clip of the most iconic scene in the film:

Maybe your child has a woobie, too – or perhaps you remember the one you or a sibling had years ago. Ratty blankets and dirty stuffed animals eventually fade away as we grow older, but do we ever really let go of our security blankets? The tangible ones, yes, but we hold onto others – the security blankets of our opinions, causes, sentiments, and dreams.

Security blankets comfort us, because they help us to make sense of the world and give us a shield of sorts against our fears. They give us a sense of control when things are off-kilter or frightening. But if we hold onto them too tightly, they can become straitjackets, restricting our thinking, hampering our efforts, and potentially doing more harm than good.

Do you have any “woobies”? If you’re a special needs parent, you may see yourself in some of the following examples, but even if you’re not, I bet you can think of others that apply.

Special Needs Friends

It’s comforting to spend time with friends who understand what we’re going through. Getting to know other people who are part of the cerebral palsy and Down syndrome communities has given me much needed support, encouragement, and knowledge over the years. But spending too much time disconnected from typical families makes our own world very small. Special needs parents expend a lot of energy making sure our children are accepted and included, but unless we are willing to show the world that we truly are “more alike than different”, how will they know?

Protective Instincts

Sometimes it’s worth it to stay home with our families, rather than going to this or that place or event, in order to avoid stares or comments or the other awkward situations that invariably occur. Keeping children out of sports, choosing to homeschool them, or otherwise shielding them from the real world by removing them from it is necessary sometimes. But taken to the extreme, keeping them from the real world fails to prepare them for the day when they are thrust into the harsh reality of it.

IEP Meetings

It’s good practice to be prepared and cautious about IEP meetings; we’ve all heard the horror stories, and some of you have your own to tell. But how often do we ask for “things” we believe our kids need, rather than asking the school what the best way is to achieve certain goals? Sometimes it’s necessary to put up a fight, but if the school staff groans and rolls their eyes whenever they see our car pull into the parking lot, have we really achieved “what’s best” for our child?

Awareness Campaigns

Few events clarify our understanding of the shortcomings of our society like having a child with special needs, and with that new understanding comes the urge to Do Something. There’s nothing at all wrong with aligning ourselves with awareness campaigns – being part of a cause gives us a chance to feel like we’re doing something not just for our own children, but for others, as well. But wrapping ourselves too tightly in the cloak of the cause can make us appear closed-minded and self-righteous to others, and can make us bitter when the changes we seek are slow to materialize.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with awareness campaigns, or preparing for IEP meetings, or being vigilant, or seeking out like-minded people – just don’t let your woobie turn into a straitjacket.

What opinions, sentiments, causes, or dreams have you been holding onto that may actually be holding you back?

Footnote: The featured photo above that’s also on the main page? Sarah Kate as a baby. It really has nothing to do with this post other than there’s a blanket in it. 😉