On a few occasions in the past, Sarah Kate has gone to a public place or event with a friend and her family without us. No matter how well they might know her, it’s always an eye-opening experience for them. On more than one occasion, I’ve had people tell me that they got angry at how inconsiderate/oblivious/insert-adjective-here people were.
It’s always a little bit of a surprise to me that they didn’t see it coming.
On weekday mornings, we often arrive at the drop off line for Sarah Kate’s school a few minutes before the doors open, because I have to get Nathan across town to his school on time. There’s a long covered walkway adjacent to the first row of the car line, but often kids who are in cars that are further back will go ahead and get out before their car makes it to the sidewalk.
Often, I’m near the end of the “first wave” of the line, just ahead of the turn, approximately where the red dot is in the image below. As you can see, that spot is a good bit back from the covered sidewalk, but also not near the closest ramp, either (where the blue arrow is).
That turn, just before the green dots, is like No Man’s Land for us.
Many kids load and unload in that area, but it’s a tough spot for Sarah Kate, for a variety of reasons. Because the lot slopes uphill to the school, she rides in the rear passenger seat because it’s difficult for her to manage opening the door uphill – which unfortunately then means a bit longer walk around the car. The sidewalk (and by extension the post supports for the covered walkway) also don’t go all the way to the end, so she has nothing to grab onto to steady herself as she goes up the curb (and the ramp is a good distance in the opposite direction). Compounding the balance issue is the grass, which is uneven.
At least a couple of times a week, by luck of the draw, we end up in No Man’s Land and I don’t let her get out, choosing instead to wait until the line moves forward so I can become the first car of the second wave. I’ve seen eye rolls in my rearview mirror, but I’m used to it by now – at her last school the same thing happened in the mornings when I wouldn’t allow her to unload in the uneven grass and parents would wave their arms in disgust (and one time, actually yell) at the Stupid Mom Who Doesn’t Follow the Rules.
At least, they would do that until they saw Sarah Kate get out of the car.
In the afternoon, No Man’s Land is the absolute furthest point from her last class, so if I’m in the car line early (which, given that Nathan is released early, I usually am), I’m often in the first wave of cars in line – but not far enough forward to avoid No Man’s Land.
The students are expected to walk back and forth along the sidewalk looking for their ride, but Sarah Kate often doesn’t have enough time to do that before all of the first wave cars are loaded and I am forced to drive through (plus she’s short AND kids don’t get out of her way so she can get through). If our student “misses” their ride, we are supposed to pull around into the parking lot and wait for them. If Sarah Kate doesn’t get to the car on time, I’m then faced with two options:
- Beg the teacher at the front of the car line to let me turn left in front of two lanes of traffic so that I can pull into a disability parking spot (and cross my fingers that I’ll be able to back out after she is loaded), or…
- Pull around to the parking lot and leave her to fend for herself going over a curbed median with nothing to hold onto while carrying her backpack, clarinet, and band binder (or get out to help her myself, leaving Nathan in the car alone).
Fortunately, she rides the bus to swim practice four days a week so I don’t have to face this particular dilemma more than once a week…for now.
Now, I’m not knocking the school at all.
They’ve been incredibly accommodating since well before the bell rang on that first day, and I have no doubt that’ll continue to be the case. I also know that I have other options, such as pulling through the outside car line, rather than the inside, and parking in the disabled spots every morning and afternoon. At some point, I may choose to do that – it’ll fix the afternoon timing issue if nothing else.
But we’ll still be the salmon swimming upstream.
Instead of being the mom who occasionally annoys people in the morning, I’ll be the mom who drives my station wagon through the “SUV and Minivan Only” line and clogs up the works by parking (and then backing out again). I’ll worry that when Sarah Kate is crossing in front of three lanes of traffic, walking down a slope with all of her things, that she’ll trip and fall, or worse – that a car won’t see her and will pull forward and hit her. She could also go back to using her cane, which would help with the curbs, but she tried that on the first day and found it was more trouble than it was worth in the hallways between classes.
Upstream.
A couple of weeks after school started, a friend of mine told me that her daughter, who is a year ahead of Sarah Kate at the same school, came home and asked her mom if she would come get her if she got in a fight at school. She’s a great kid, unlikely to ever pick a fight, and when her mom expressed alarm at the prospect, she told her it was because she sees Sarah Kate in the hallway sometimes and gets angry because she’s certain that she’s going to get run over.
We’ve lived this life for so long, that (most of the time) I don’t get angry anymore. In most cases, people aren’t inconsiderate, they’re just oblivious. We all operate within certain paradigms based on our experience, and I’m sure there are things that I’m oblivious about, as well. But what I do get is tired. Swimming upstream is exhausting.
The drop off/pick up line is an annoyance for all of us I think. I try to be extra patient because I know not everyone is just coddling their “special sunshine” by waiting to drop off until the last point which is what the eyerolls are usually for. I’m the one usually yelling at my kids “just get out already! there are people waiting behind us”
As for the pickup, could you possibly exit the line and swing back around and enter the line again? That way you could still pick up SK in the line but wouldn’t hold up the line itself?
I hate waiting in the pick up line so will purposefully come late (even if it means driving around the block a few times before heading to the school) so that the line is shorter and there is less traffic. Thankfully my times of using the dropoff/pick up line are coming to a close soon with my youngest being a freshman in high school. We don’t have school buses around here and the high school isn’t in the best neighborhood so I’m not a fan of the kids walking the 2 miles home (I am a fan of carpooling when I can though).
Sort of, but not really. The only way to get back into the line is to meander through an adjacent neighborhood on the south end. On the north side, the high school campus and an athletic complex both border the middle school so it’s a long way around.
Instead of turning left into the line, could you go straight ahead, turn around, then drop her off right at the ramp(blue arrow)? Option #2: quit looking in your rear view mirror…who gives a $&@# what the people behind you are thinking!
I have considered that – in the morning that might work but I suspect it would be discouraged in the afternoon because that’s where the walkers go. And as for option #2, as many times as I’ve told her not to, Sarah Kate keeps walking around the back of my car – have to look in the rearview to see her clear the line, LOL!
In somewhat related news, I might have to navigate something like that one day.
I think everyone hates the pickup line!
This year our school changed the routine and it’s working out so much better. Our walkway is similar to yours only with a courtyard at the far end. Every parent keeps a card with their child’s name on it hooked to the rearview mirror. As cars enter the line near the end of the walkway a teacher with a hand held radio calls back the kids’ names to another teacher at the far end where kids are gathered. That teacher calls the names out and as cars pull forward the child meets their ride near the middle of the walkway.
The teachers keep up a fairly steady call out and it moves really quickly. Before each car reaches the end their child is ready to load and no one is ever waiting or searching and no child ever has to cross the line of traffic.
Andi,
Understand your worries about Sarah Kate’s safety. I have a fellow SDCP friend with me. He is less mobile than I am so I am forever trying to make sure he’s stable and not overbalanced. And he’s less mindful of his limitations on foot. I tend to switch to wheels when need be or if my left hip feels unstable. Do what you need to do as mom.