Mr. Andi and I have decided: it’s time for Santa to go.
After nearly twelve years as parents, with one four-year-old and one preteen, you’d think we would have made this decision a lot sooner – or at least that we would feel some pressure to keep the ruse going for a few more years. But no, we don’t feel any pressure to keep going – I just wonder why it took us so long.
So why are we ditching the man in the red suit? For starters, the whole idea is a little bit creepy. One night of the year, a random stranger dude sneaks into the house while they are asleep, and leaves things for them. Often, this random stranger leaves candy. Candy is delicious, but … our kids are supposed to know not to take candy from strangers, right? Mixed message right there. But never mind all that – let’s do a little Sligh family flashback:
Sarah Kate, who is not now and never has been a fearsome child, who happily chats it up with strangers, who is at ease in front of a microphone and a camera, and considers almost nothing worth getting upset over, was TERRIFIED of Santa, and it wasn’t just one Christmas in 2004. When she was little, I couldn’t even push the stroller in the vicinity of the mall Santa without her Freaking. Out.
Oh, but she was little! you say. Let me present Exhibit B from 2010, when she was a couple weeks shy of eight years old:
Does that look like a child who’s happy to be sitting on Santa’s lap? (Sarah Kate, not Nathan!)
By 2011, she had learned how to mask the look of fear, but … still no smiling.
In 2012, she managed to give me a smile, but … notice she isn’t sitting in Santa’s lap this time, either. Also, recall that the whole Santa gig was up in 2011, so by the time this photo was taken she’d already known The Secret for nearly a year.
But still, you may wonder why we’re making this decision now, when Sarah Kate is past “Santa age” and we only have Nathan left. It all started when I was talking with some friends recently about the Santa tradition. A couple of us don’t recall ever really believing in Santa when we were kids, while others told how they (or people they know) felt betrayed and lied to when they learned The Secret.
The conversation moved on to the relatively recent Elf on the Shelf phenomenon. We never got on board the Elf Train, largely because I am lazy and had no interest in coming up with grand schemes for the wretched creature (now that I’ve heard stories about what a nightmare the Elf has been for some families – kids who feared the Elf, kids who freaked because someone touched the Elf, kids whose dog ate the elf, and so on – I’m really glad I didn’t do it!) But laziness wasn’t the only reason we never had an Elf.
Santa was never a prominent character in our Christmas story, so no Elf was needed.
We’ve always had Santa in our family, but we’ve never made a big deal about it. Several years in a row we visited the Santa at Bass Pro Shops, but the main reason we went was for the other activities and entertainment. The Santa thing would last a couple of minutes, but our family would be in the store for two hours or more, just having fun. Santa’s biggest impact was on Christmas morning when the kids found three unwrapped presents under the tree, though they also had a few wrapped presents from us, too.
In our home, the three unwrapped gifts have always been symbolic of the three gifts that the Magi brought to Jesus. A few years ago, we added the story of St. Nicholas to the symbolism of the three gifts – the real St. Nicholas heard of a man too poor to afford the dowry for each of his three daughters to marry. On three separate occasions, St. Nicholas threw a bag of gold through the window of the man’s house at night. We intend to continue this tradition in our family, because it reinforces our faith and values to our children.
But what’s the harm in Santa?
I think it depends on the child. I remember the Christmas that the Santa Myth was first confirmed for me, though I’m pretty sure I suspected long before that day. My parents wouldn’t let me get up to see my presents because they, um … weren’t finished putting them out yet. 🙂 I wasn’t traumatized so for me it was no big deal, and while Sarah Kate may have lived in fear of sitting on Santa’s lap, I don’t think revealing The Secret bothered her all that much, either – no sense of betrayal or confusion that we could see.
But Nathan isn’t like Sarah Kate.
The fact is that he’s both cognitively and emotionally different from his sister. He’s never been into Santa all that much, and we don’t know if that’s because we haven’t made a big deal of it or because he doesn’t understand it. What we do know is he’s very much a creature of routine, which is common for people with Down syndrome. We’re concerned that if we portray a visit from Santa as something that is Real that happens Every Year that when it doesn’t happen anymore it could be difficult for him.
We don’t think it’s worth the risk.
Are we anti-Santa? Not at all.
As far as we’re concerned, Santa is a tradition some families enjoy, a character in movies and songs, and a way to talk about the real St. Nicholas. We don’t talk about him in our house (though we do talk about St. Nicholas), but when we put the tree up this year a few Santa ornaments may make the cut. Nathan’s preschool Christmas program is on Wednesday, and the hints I’ve received strongly point to him playing the part of Santa – we’re okay with that, because it’s Santa the fun story.
But Santa won’t be making a visit to our house.
Hi Andi
It is different in our home and we certainly respect everyone’s traditions. Brennan, who is age 19 and has Down Syndrome, still believes in Santa. He still has such an innocence. It is still very magical for him. He also believes in St. Nick delivering candy and small gifts in our shoes on Dec 6 – a German tradition courtesy of my wife and her Minnesota heritage. Brennan has two older brothers – ages 22 and 24, who help keep up the tradition. We think it brings fun to our opening gifts, but we also take care not to lose sight of the real meaning of Christmas, the birth of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.
Bill
I’ve heard of the custom of the shoes associated with the feast day of St. Nicholas! We have not done that in the past but will probably start it in 2015.
Santa in our house at least for E was murdered by the Tooth Fairy. Steve started feeling creepy sneaking into her room at night and digging under her pillow so he opted to confess for all magical beings. It is still alive and well for G. He so wants to believe in magic I fear it will not be a good day when this tradition is broken for him. Though I have to confess recently his lists have been getting more and more expensive. I try to explain to him that Santa has a limited budget and he tries to tell me that the elves can make anything. I then have to explain back to him that elves are still held to copyright and patent laws and if they try to make a Playstation 4 Santa will get sued by Sony and Christmas will end as we know it….yeah the days are numbered on this one I fear, lol.
LOL! Smart kid. 🙂
As I have gotten closer and closer to God over the past few years, I have struggled more and more with Santa, but even more so, with what Christmas has totally become. Honestly, I would love to boycott everything Christmas and got totally CHRISTmas. But, I have so many wonderful memories of Christmas growing up and have a lot of respect for the traditions behind it. Even Santa has some great tradition and surely has his place in the Christmas season, as long as the truth of CHRISTmas is front and center.
No parent, no family, should have any stress in in their Santa decisions. I know many deep routed Christian families who have found ways to make Santa fit in without taking away the truth about Christmas. I also know families who Santa was a total no-no, and not just because of the way that he takes away from Truth, but because he does not exist and to bring Santa into the home is encouraging dishonesty.
Wishing you and your family a very Merry CHRISTmas and a wonderful New Year! And, as always, thank you for Bringing the Sunshine!
Oh, about Elf On The Shelf: He is creepy and needs to return to where he came from!
My sister posted photos a couple of weeks ago of her daughter (age 7) refusing to go near the Elf. Apparently she was really creeped out by him last year but didn’t mention it until now.
Well, the kids no longer believe in Santa, and I am so relieved! ( I can sleep in late on Christmas morning) However, we also have a tradition of putting our shoes under the tree on New Year’s Eve. “Mrs. Longfinger’s” puts fruits, nuts and healthy things in the shoes to bring in the new year. Not sure where this Cajun tradition originated, but we are keeping it 😉 P.S. I do have a sign that says, “When you quit believing, you get underwear” ! ( I can’t wait! )
When I was a child I don’t remember ever really believing in Santa, though I may have when I was very young. At our house Santa only filled our stockings, he didn’t leave presents, my mom liked presents under the tree so she put them out as soon as they were bought and wrapped. I remember my sister and I spending hours rearranging them and shaking them to guess what was inside.
For my own kids, we never did Santa and they don’t seem any worse for it. I never really thought about it until I took my then 5 year old shopping for a gift to give away to charity and when I told him that some kids don’t get gifts because their parents don’t have enough money he said with a shrug, ” well if they’re good, Santa would bring them something”. I didn’t want him to equate being poor with being bad.
I can certainly see being very careful with such a fantasy with a child who may take it far too seriously.
Although it didn’t really figure into our decision, that’s something that has always bothered me about our modern day Santa myth. We live in a relatively affluent small town, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have any kids in the area who aren’t poor or otherwise disadvantaged (such as a domestic abuse situation). I don’t ever want my kids thinking even one of their peers isn’t deserving of a gift.
I found about “Santa” around Sarah Kate’s age, and thought it was hilarious because my grandmother was all “Well, now you and your brother can go shopping with me.” So I don’t think that if I’m fortunate enough to become a parent, I’ll sujbect my child or children to “The Secret” because it can cause unecessary confusion. And takes the focus off of the real reason for Christmas. I don’t blame you. 🙂
A lot of families have a *wink wink* Santa tradition, and that’s mostly what I remember from my own childhood. As I said in the post, I don’t remember believing, I only remember the year the secret was confirmed. My sister is ten years younger than me, so what I do remember is doing a lot of *wink wink* Santa stuff, but that was probably because I was an obnoxious tween/teen older sister during the years my sister believed. 🙂
Yeah a lot of my family were *wink wink” Santa people too. LOL! That’s funny
I’ve been thinking about the Santa tradition, too. Gavin knows how it works now (because I was a horrible mom and told him outright this summer because I didn’t want him to be the last one of his friends to know. He’s still mad at me about telling him and “ruining his childhood” as he says.) My real concern is how long to keep up the Santa gig for Ainsley. In a couple days, we’ll be going to the school to discuss Ainsley’s IEP and placement for the next school year. It feels strange to be advocating for her and encouraging her along her path, while at home we would be continuing to encourage fairy-tale beliefs. She’s only 7 now so there’s lots of time before it wouldn’t be an age-appropriate thing. But it’s still something that I wonder about ending sooner rather than later.
I hear you. I guess it really depends on her and how invested you think she is in the concept. Maybe it’s something you start de-emphasizing now, hoping to phase out later? Or maybe you follow Bill’s lead and keep it going if it gives her joy and you don’t think she’ll be too traumatized later.
We do not do Santa at all. I was on the fence when my first child came… enjoyed the idea as a child myself, but did want to focus to be on jesus’ birth and not confuse her with one fairy tale and one true story. Thankfully it was easy when my daughter and pretty much the other 3 did not like Santa when they saw him, so we never went with that story. Through the years we have actually pared down the gifts and the kids just get one (nice!) gift from the parents and then one from each other (we help the little ones pay for their gifts). Usually works out to 6-8 gifts each with the extended family, and with 4 kids that is more than enough! We find Christmas day is not about the kids entirely and more about celebrating together. We do a birthday cake for Jesus. Each year it takes a lot of restraint from me to keep to the plan since there are so many great things out there to buy – but shopping is done fairly quickly. Anything like clothes, toiletries, shoes, etc are just bought year round when needed – including christmas pjs.
I think that sounds wonderful!
My mom is still Gives me gifts from Santa and I’m 41!
Our family is pretty non-religious but we opted not to go the Santa route; I’d heard too many stories of kids feeling betrayed and hurt by the inevitable revelation and didn’t want to risk it! We just focus on what Christmas is really about, giving to others and spreading good will. The only tricky bit was talking about why it’s important to not spoil the secret for kids who DO believe, but we talk a lot about how lots of people believe in lots of different things so it wasn’t too hard to tie in.
We’re Jewish, so never had Santa. When my daughter would ask about it, I would explain that other families believe in him, but we don’t, and not to tell the other kids.
This presented a significant problem when it came to the tooth fairy. Since we didn’t have the Santa tradition, explaining that a little person with wings would come in and steal her lost tooth sounded super creepy. Instead I explained the idea, and that it is pretend, and asked her if she wanted to “play tooth fairy” or just receive a few coins directly from me. We “played tooth fairy” until she was 10 or so, and skipped the whole thing when the pre-molars fell out. With her younger brother, we “play tooth fairy” as well.
Thank you for sharing that! I’ve wondered how Jewish families explain Santa, and I am sure many families do it many different ways, but I love your approach. And, yes, the Tooth Fairy is a creepy thing! I love how you explained it and the choice you gave your children. I also appreciate that you have asked them not to spoil it for others.
Wishing you a blessed Hanukkah season! (I love the Jewish festivals, many people have forgotten that Jesus was Jewish, not Christian, and that he celebrated all the festivals).
Yes, thank you! There seems to be this presumption that EVERYONE does Santa, when it’s simply not true. We’ll gladly “play Santa” if Nathan wants us to one day down the road, but we aren’t going through the charade of telling him Santa exists when he doesn’t.
I’m a bit late in commenting because we were busy at the Mouse House, but I saw this pop up in my feed and wanted to address it! We stopped the Santa thing because of how Reece (12, autism) reacted when a neighbor girl told her about the tooth fairy. She screamed at me and sobbed, “You LIED to me!” over and over. It was well over a month before she didn’t talk about the betrayal obsessively. At that point, I decided I couldn’t go through it all over again with Santa. Reece is a very black and white, concrete thinker and may be for a very, very long time to come. It simply isn’t worth it to me.
I’ve heard similar stories from other parents – not just of kids with special needs – and that’s a big part of why we made this decision. We just didn’t want to risk it. It has been a challenge, though, because everywhere we went, especially in the last few days before Christmas, people kept asking Nathan what Santa was going to bring him.