I get it.
I understand why you did what you did. The main parking lot is a pretty long walk from the building, and the circular drive out front is always a clusterfark during pickup and dropoff for swim team. Your kids are old enough to be left at practice by themselves (I’m guessing 7-8?) but not quite responsible enough to be left to their own devices and “get a move on” when practice is over.
Best to just park and run in real quick, right?
You weren’t in there a long time, because I saw you come back out. Of course, you didn’t get to see what happened to me while you were inside. I wasn’t able to get another disability space for my daughter, so I parked along the curb. Lots of parents do that, to wait on their kids to come out.
Of course, most of those parents have kids who come out a lot quicker than my kid.
My daughter has cerebral palsy. You might not have noticed her, since she doesn’t wear her braces to swim and her unique walking gait isn’t all that obvious when she’s in a crowd or in the pool. If you’re paying attention at the next meet, you’ll be able to pick her out pretty easily – she’ll be the slowest swimmer in the slowest heat of the events that ten year old girls swim, and someone will grab both of her arms to pull her out of the pool at the end of the heat so as to not hold up the next one.
We signed her up for swim team four seasons ago to help her strengthen her legs that are weak because of cerebral palsy, not because she’s a swimming phenom or so she’d have something to keep her busy during summer vacation. I mostly hate swim team, and so does Mr. Andi, but I take her to practice every day without fail because she needs it.
Because my daughter has cerebral palsy:
- It takes her longer to get out of the pool;
- It takes her longer to make her way over to where her swim bag is;
- It takes her longer to towel off her body;
- It takes her longer to put on her shoes (you know, she can’t wear flip flops like your kids); and
- It takes her longer to walk from the building to the parking lot.
So when I had to park along the curb, I blocked all of the rest of the traffic in Clusterfark Circle. And because I was clogging up the works, a car that was behind me in line blocked in another parent who was parked in a disability space – legally.
I sure hope that lady wasn’t in a hurry.
Of course, I don’t know you, so maybe you really have a disability hangtag in your car that you forgot to put up. Hey, I’ve done it myself! Since I only use it when Sarah Kate is with me – and often not even then, if the walk isn’t going to be a long one – I don’t ride around with it on the rearview mirror. So if I’m unjustly accusing you, I apologize. I did notice that you didn’t seem to want to make eye contact with me when I waved Sarah Kate’s blue hangtag in your direction, though.
But this is our fourth season of swim team, and I’ve seen parents park in the blue spaces “just for a minute” lots of times. In fact, it happened last Thursday night at the parent meeting. Pretty sure all those parents all those times all those years didn’t just forget their hangtags. And I’ve been blocked in too many times to count – not by parents waiting patiently in their cars in line, but by parents who parked behind me and went in rather than walk a little further. In fact, I’ve blogged about it before.
Or maybe you do know my daughter.
After all, it’s a small town. Maybe you’ve seen her and you don’t really think she needs a disability hangtag. After all, she swims for an hour every day, right? Of course, I’d tell you that there’s not much chance of tripping in the pool, and balancing in the water isn’t too hard, either. But never mind her – we have a lot of retirees here in Mayberry that use the gym in the building next door. Oh, and one of the swim moms uses a wheelchair. I don’t like to drive my car in Clusterfark Circle during swim practice – can you imagine having to navigate it in a wheelchair (and keep up with your kids) if you had to park in the main lot?
So, yeah. Those spaces aren’t just for my kid.
Maybe you don’t care about my daughter, or the retirees with heart conditions trying to stay healthy, or the mom in the wheelchair. Maybe you will care when I point out to you that what you did is illegal.
You can take a picture of the car, with the license plate, with the handicap marking clearly visible, and send that to the police even without a personal connection. They will figure out who it is and take it from there…..
I recently heard of a website that lets you post such things in order to shame HC parking abusers. Don’t remember the details right now.
It is http://www.thewheelsofshame.com/ and they have a facebook page as well. Next time mabye take a pic, post it to their page, and share so that all the swim team parents will see it?
Oooo…good idea. Our team has a Facebook group! Perhaps I shouldn’t single her out, but should post a nice message to all.
I think a post on FB page is good idea. Just a “gentle reminder”. No calling anyone out. Yet.
Also, does anyone know if handicapped parking rules apply in apartment complexes?
Tara
Handicap parking rules apply everywhere there are marked/designated handicap parking spots. Fines vary from state to state but most are at least $250.00 and can be up to $1000 if someone parks illegally in a handicap space.
And I agree with everyone else – shame that person and if it happens again get a license plate number. No excuses for someone doing that!
I’m all for the “nice” approach first and definitely think that’s the way you should go in this particular instance.
However, the snarky side of me secretly hopes you’ll procure some of these “stupidity is not a handicap” stickers yourself and put them to good use… http://www.thewheelsofshame.com/mom-on-a-mission/
😉
This drives me NUTS! We take pictures of inconsiderate drivers and send them to a facebook page dedicated to rude drivers like this unkind lady. You can always leave a note on her windshield as well. So sorry there are people like that when your sweet SK needs the spot.
Thinking of you!
~ash
As many times as I’ve wanted to “borrow” my mom’s blue tag so I didn’t have walk a little ways in a parking, I haven’t. Not just because I really DO need the exercise, but because I know the aggravation and frustration my mom goes through when their isn’t an available HC spot and she needs it! It isn’t anyone’s place to judge who needs a HC spot and who doesn’t. What they need to know is if they don’t have a blue tag, they don’t get to park there. End of story. I like your idea of a nice gentle reminder. If that doesn’t work, I’d follow up with pictures to the police station. SK needs that spot and deserves for you to be able to use it.
You could also do what we did to a co-worker on a previous job to break her of that habit. Have a general announcement made that the police have been called to tow an illegally parked car in the handicapped spot. She never did it again (We didn’t really call the police.)
I like the idea of the gentle fb reminder first. It gets the point across without calling anyone out. But if it continues, I’d call the law on them
I just don’t get that. Even for a minute. It drives me nuts. I am very impressed that you held your temper.
I’m going to go one step further and say that when you have the blue tag and have a wheelchair lift to get in and out of a van – the space we need is so super specific with room on the correct side to maneuver – we’re left with even fewer choices. Sometimes it’s a choice btw going home or getting into a really unsafe situation.
I never dreamed how having our placard would lead me into a whole new level of understanding stupid! I have had to dig deep into my soul to not just yell when I had a mom block me in, so she could run into the school for a moment, or the head of PTA who decided that since she was doing something for fundraising she could use the spot as I came a bit late with my kiddo who had been at a doctor’s appt. I think the best (when I also blew a gasket) was the after school worker who worked for YMCA (group that especially speaks of being handicapped friendly) used it and when I questioned where the placard was, then screamed at me “I don’t see a wheelchair” as I went in to get my kiddo who does happen to use a wheelchair. Hey, I think we could write a book on this! So glad to see another mom’s vent – thank you!
It’s funny how everyone LOVES to whine about when someone they perceive as not handicapped (without knowing the person nobody here knows if they had a placard or not!) parking in a marked spot, but nobody here says a peep about all of you who use those marked spots whenever the handicapped person isn’t with you. Yes, the person writing this whinefest claims that she does not ever use a slot unless her handicapped daughter is with her, but we have all seen it happen too many times to count. And how does she know her hubby/mother/sister/best friend does not abuse the placard privvies? She doesn’t!
Here’s a scenario I have personally seen happen a total of 5 times in the last month from the same woman in our community. The fully capable woman pulls into the local market parking lot when it is raining, and realizes there are no close spots available except…..the handicapped slots. Well, she *does* have the placard and she’ll juuuuuust be in there for a minute and since she *is* the caregiver for a handicapped person she *deserves* to be able to park in the slot, and if anyone dares to call her out on the fact that *SHE* is not disabled, this witch has a screaming hissy meltdown fit accusing everyone in earshot of hating crippled people. Yep, what a joy and how well she represents mothers of disabled kids!
Since the person writing this blog claims she knows the chief of police personally, how about she also start flagging out those people who abuse their placard privvies?!?!?! Or do those folks not count since that would be pointing the finger at yourselves?!
I do not use the handicapped placard when my daughter is not with me, because it’s not mine to use. That placard is assigned to my daughter and it is illegal for me to use it when she is not in the car. It would be very easy to do…especially since often I’m at Target or the grocery store with my son, who also has a visibile disability. No one would say a thing. But it would be wrong, so I don’t do it. It is rare for my husband to take Sarah Kate anywhere that would require the placard, so he almost never even has it in his possession to use. No one else in my family has possession except in very rare instances – maybe one day each year when they plan an outing with her. We do not abuse it. Ever. In fact, I often will bypass the handicapped space altogether if it’s the only one left, in case someone comes along who needs it more.
The problem with, as you put it, “flagging out those people who abuse their placard privvies” is that would place me in a position of making assumptions and judgments about people that may not be warranted. I’ve been shot many a dirty look when I used a handicapped space and jumped out of the car alone in my running clothes. Those people who muttered under their breath about what an abuser I was didn’t stick around long enough to see me emerge from the building a few minutes later to leave…with my disabled daughter in tow. In addition, there are a number of conditions that aren’t immediately visible – and yes, even younger people can have them – that prevent people from having the stamina to walk long distances. They often look like perfectly healthy “abusers” but aren’t.
So the reason I don’t go after those people is because I can’t know with certainty who they are. As I replied to your other comment on the older “Cowards” post, I know I’m not perfect but I am doing my best to be kind.
Dearest andi,
“…The problem with, as you put it, “flagging out those people who abuse their placard privvies” is that would place me in a position of making assumptions and judgments about people that may not be warranted….”
This is exactly why I made the statement I did. How many of those commenting on this board *have* abused the privvies of the permit but do not see that as wrong. The lynchmob is quick to gather the pitchforks screaming “name them and shame them on FB” while they are just as guilty of doing wrong. Are each and every one of you not “making assumptions and judgments” when you see someone in a HC slot ? What about the lady in the 2nd black sedan who *did* have a permit that you approached ready to shame? You made an incorrect assumption about her. tiffany, tara, kimmy, jenny and many others would have had that poor woman’s car, license plate, and most likely a photo of her on FB falsely accusing her, subjecting her to horrid abuse by the SN community for absolutely no reason.
I could easily have a HC permit due to an inoperable brain and spinal tumor but I do not want one. IMHO, the slots are there for those in wheelchairs or with heart conditions only. Even those with extremely low muscle tone go to physical therapy to exercise so why not walk a few extra steps in a parking lot. It amazes me how many with privvies will park in the front door then spend hours perusing the shelves of their local Wal-Mart of Target without issue. I also hate the morbidly obese people who jump into the motorized scooters meant for those who have temporary disabilites just so they don’t have to walk. After 2 decades as a nurse I have learned that walking – no matter how slowly – is THE best exercise/physical therapy.
People seem to forget these days that having “special needs” does not make you special. The SN community lately seems to have decided that you all want to be given special attention while at the same time considered normal and part of the community.
With all due respect, JaneDoe, you’re missing your own point. You are assuming that those who commented on this post are hypocrites who abuse their blue tags, when there’s absolutely no evidence to that end. Excluding my comments and yours, there are (as of this reply), twelve comments, which is a very tiny fraction of the number of people who have viewed this post. I prefer to believe that those who would go so far as to state their outrage here would be the type of people who would NOT abuse the blue tag entrusted to them. I’m confident there are people out there who DO abuse the blue tags, and that fact doesn’t make me happy, but the truth is that I don’t know who is and who isn’t in many cases, which is exactly why I chose a non-confrontational manner to approach both the teenager and the lady in the second black sedan.
For the record – I did not go barreling up to the car window, “loaded for bear,” because I knew before I spoke to her that she might have a legitimate reason for parking there without a blue tag. I didn’t transcribe the whole conversation in the other post, but when she confirmed that she did have a blue tag for her son, I told her that I had seen a lot of people abuse handicap spaces (people that I know for a fact have abused them because I know them) and it has been so frustrating to me that I am very close to contacting the police – at that point I suggested to her in a friendly manner that she should be careful not to forget in the future so she wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of clearing herself from a potential ticket. I had carefully weighed the possibilities before ever approaching her car. Even the teenager didn’t get a “shaming” but a brief, polite education.
It clearly bothers you – and with good reason – that people would abuse the blue tag. I understand, because it bothers me, too. Rant and rave all you want about that injustice! However, I don’t appreciate it when commenters accuse my readers of without cause. Just because some people do it doesn’t mean that I or my readers do.
As to the rest of your comment, may God be with you as you fight your cancer.
No, dearest, I am not ‘missing my own point’ but rather trying to deliver it in a way that possibly you or any of your readers it applies to will have a light-bulb moment and realize that you/your readers do the same thing you are complaining about. As I said, being a nurse for 24 years I have seen it all. Those who pretend to be so perfect or such champions in general are the biggest frauds. I was able to record 2 permit abusers and got their permits pulled for a 6 month period. Yes, their family member the permit was meant for will have to walk a few extra steps until it may be reinstated but one abuse of the system is just as bad as the other.
There is a lovely site – http://www.handicappedfraud.org – that addresses the other side of this issue and if you (and your readers) and truly honest and pay attention you will see the abuse happening from nonpermit and permit holders alike.
Those on the highest horse suffer from the longest fall. Just something to think about.
What would you have me do? Confess to something I don’t do? None of us are perfect, but many of us do our best to do the right thing. I DO NOT ABUSE MY DAUGHTER’S HANDICAP TAG. I don’t think I can be any clearer than that.
I never wish to shut down honest debate, but this blog is “my house, my rules” and I’ve already asked you nicely not to accuse me or my readers without basis. I have the ability and the right to delete your comments and to block you from commenting in the future. Please don’t give me further encouragement to take those actions.
A good question you should consider asking yourself is whether it is more important to be right or to be kind. I know I would answer that it is the latter.
Jane Doe, with due respect, you do not get to decide who is disabled and worthy of HC parking. The spots are not only for those in wheelchairs and heart conditions. That is absurd. And frankly I am holding back quite a bit about your rant and judgemental overtone regarding obese people using scooters other than to say you are wrong.
Just a quick comment….my mother had a HC placard due to her terminal illness. We ran in to all sorts when using it. Those who yelled at her that she didn’t look ill (she said THANK YOU), a police vehicle using the one and only HC spot by a restaurant, and people who would ask specifically, what her “problem” was.
Later, after she passed away, I figured it would be an easy task to return it. Nope – I was told “gee, we’ve never had anyone return them”. Hmm – so I just put in in an envelope, with a thank you note, and sent it to the DMV.
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Although the commenter’s points were debated with honesty and integrity and two earlier requests were made to tone down the rhetoric, the commenter continued in the same vein. This comment reached a more abusive tone and I felt it was appropriate to delete it.
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My house, my rules. – Andi
How old was Sarah Kate when you got her placard? I know we’re not at the point of needing one yet, as my Zoe is only 19 months old and, due to prematurity and genetics (she’s from an aboriginal group in Taiwan from which short stature is typical), she’s tiny. Carrying her is no problem. I know she’ll have a walker soon (she would have one now, but she’s too short for even the shortest ones – she’s the height of an 8 month old – so we use a lot of makeshift walker-like items), but even then, I don’t expect us to have her using it in most public places until she’s more adept with it. I see a lot of similarity in what you’ve shared of Sarah Kate’s early development and what I see in Zoe, so I’d love to know when/how you or her doctors/therapists knew it was time for a handicapped placard.
(And kudos for handling the unkind commenter with kindness.)
It’s interesting that you asked that question, Shannon, as I was trying to remember the other day when we got it. The current one expires in 2007 – it was just renewed in 2012 – so that would indicate that the ones in our state are issued for five years, but I know we didn’t get the first one in 2002 because she wasn’t born until December of that year, and she had it well before 2007. So I’m not sure.
But…looking back at photos, the earliest ones I have of her using the walker (which was actually a stripped-down gait trainer) were in the fall of 2004. She had used it around the house with extra supports before then, but that was the first time she used it strictly as a walker. She became proficient pretty quickly and started using it at mother’s day out which was when we got the placard – so I’m going to estimate around two to two-and-a-half. She stopped using the walker when she had the rhizotomy, which was one week after her third birthday, so I know it was before she turned three because I remember having it when she was using the walker. I would take her to the mall (it was small and not very crowded on weekdays) and let her walk around in those wide open spaces because it gave her more exercise than in our tiny house or at school.
Which actually reminds me of another point that I don’t think was made previously about “who needs handicapped placards”. The other commenter indicated that if people can walk around a store for a long time then they DON’T need them, but also indicated that people in wheelchairs DO in all cases. I run marathons regularly and there are always wheelchair athletes competing – I’d say that if someone in a wheelchair can race for 26.2 miles in their chair, then they don’t have an endurance issue so they don’t need a space that’s “close.” But…they DO still need those spaces, even if their setup doesn’t require an extra wide space, due to safety concerns. They are by default “shorter” than typical adults and less visible in a backing driver’s rearview mirror, which is a very real danger.
I know in my case that I applied for the handicapped placard when Sarah Kate started using the walker in public places because I couldn’t carry her and the gait trainer/walker (it was heavy, not like the lighter foldable aluminum ones) at the same time and I couldn’t leave one or the other behind in the car. It made the most sense for her to walk.
Terri, love that she yelled THANK YOU! Will do that with my mother if we are out and about. That is perfect.