I jokingly told someone recently that having a toddler doesn’t make me feel young – instead, I feel a lot older than I did before Nathan was born.
The constant running and chasing after a kid that gets quicker and more evasive with each passing day hour is enough to put me over the edge sometimes. Often, I long for the day when Nathan will be more containable (is that a word?) and have a clearer understanding of my expectations of him (that day will come, right? RIGHT?!?)
But other days I realize that I’m the one holding him back, and that both of my kids are growing up before my very eyes. A few days ago, Nathan was playing in the yard with the dogs – running around with the Kong frisbee in hand because he knows without a doubt that they’ll chase him/it. I grabbed my camera, certain I’d be able to snag an awesome photo for my 365 project.
When I downloaded the images, I saw a little boy I didn’t quite recognize. Gone are the rolls of fat and the unsteady legs, replaced by lean extremities that race across the yard with confidence. Even the outfit he wore told an unfamiliar story. I’ve never been a fan of this particular set, because I thought it made him look wide and chunky, but on this day he looked tall and lean. He’s not tall, of course – most people with Down syndrome aren’t – but he LOOKED taller.
This same weekend, time took a gigantic leap forward with Sarah Kate.
Without revealing details that could embarrass her in the future, I’ll just say that circumstances led Mr. Andi and I to decide that it was time to share some information about what she should expect in the next few years. The cold reality struck me that my little girl is growing up. On average, kids with cerebral palsy reach puberty later than their peers, and while I have hoped against hope that would be the case with my little girl – so she could stay a little girl as long as possible – it’s still an average with a broad range, and I don’t think I’m going to get my wish.
Regardless, evidence that my little girl is no longer the tiny girl I see in my mind is all around me. She’s curious about bras and boys (a little) and wants to hang with the big girls at swim meets. She enjoys grown-up music, but will sit and watch Sesame Street with Nathan. She got annoyed at times with her younger cousin when they visited last week, but still wanted to sleep in the tent with her in her room and buy matching Barbie toothbrushes.
So while there are days I wish I could escape from the daily grind of mothering, the feeling rarely lasts very long. Most days I wonder at how quickly the time is passing and what I will do when my babies aren’t babies anymore.
Hi Andi
Regarding height, my son Brennan , who just turned 17, has Down Syndrome, is over 5’9″ and is taller than both of his two older brothers. Brennan is involved in many sports. He is an amazing basketball player and I have seen him make 30 shots in a row. In softball,he hit a ball deep into the outfield over the players heads and ran the bases for a home run. He recently bowled a 164 including a triple and can hit a golf ball over 200 yards. He also won a number of gold medals in a Special Olympics state swimming meet at Penn State for free style and back stroke. Brennan loves body building and is really into P90X. He is the joy of our life for me, my wife and his brothers.
Just keep you son busy – he will continually amaze you.
Bill McCarthy Macungie, PA
Ack. This so didn’t help my emotional state today. I’m leaving my two for the first time for longer than 2 days tomorrow and I’m a mess over it. They’re so big and change so much and I want to savor every moment. And then they’ll frustrate me and I’ll raise my voice or get impatient and feel guilty because I’m leaving for four days.
I can’t believe how much SK and Nathan have changed just in the time I’ve been reading your blog. Where is the time going? I want to know where my babies went too. <3
Your children are so beautiful and such a blessing. I thought last week when I saw that picture of Nathan (ps I still call him the baby) how much he has grown! Then you posted the picture of SK on FB and I thought “oh my” simply because I have spent years looking at pictures of her growning up and this photo just didn’t gel with my earlier memories of her! Does that make any sense??? I just always think of Nathan as the baby and SK as a kindergartener because that was the age when we all met! xoxo Enjoy this time because it flies by so quickly
I sooooooo know what you mean. I want both my boys to grow up and flourish, but oooh how I wish I could have some of those baby days back. Just today my oldest called to announce that he is officially a registered college student. Gee thanks!! Now I feel ancient!!!
BTW, yours are cute as can be and I am equally amazed at the changes in them in the few months I’ve been following your blog.
WOW, Andi – your two just keep getting more and more beautiful. And – my baby heads off for college next month. I don’t know how I’ll survive that one, hopefully my tears will be overshadowed with my immense pride in my daughter…..
Good Morning! I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! My Tyler is 4 and he is nonstop action. His energy seems limitless! Our family refers to him as Go Go Tyler because go was one of his first words. I too am amazed at how it seems like just yesterday we were celebrating his milestones in PT and now he can chase down his 10 year old brother. Maybe that extra chromosone is what gives them all that extra vigor 🙂
Toby my 10 year old has a language based learning disorder and ADD. When he was younger he was always a tad bit socially awkward. Not always being able to express how he felt, he often resorted to crying or yelling out. As he is getting older, and overcoming some challenges…. I marvel at the young man he is becoming.
He has learned so much from being Tyler’s big brother …. maybe most of all patience..lol.
And even though at the end of the day I’m sometimes pushed to that edge too. Seeing the 2 of them laugh and play together … my heart is full. They are such a gift.
learned so much from being Tyler’s big brother 🙂