We have had a disability parking permit for Sarah Kate since she was very young. Up until age three, she used a walker, then canes for several months until she no longer needed assistive devices (other than braces, which she still wears). She still has issues with endurance and balance. We keep the disability permit because she still needs it occasionally (Walt Disney World!), but we use it much less often these days, and it’s been a long time since I used it when there was only one space available – I prefer to leave the last space for someone who may need it more.
At the pool where her swim team practices, limited parking exists near the building, most of it disability spaces, and it’s inside a roundabout-thingy where folks drop off and pick up their kids. Often, I’ve been blocked from either parking or backing out by moms sitting in vehicles, waiting for kids who emerge…eventually. One day last week I waited several minutes for a lady to pull forward far enough for me to get out, only to have the woman behind her pull immediately forward and block me again (note that I had my brake lights on and had backed out as far as possible in order to “signal” my intent).
It was mildly irritating.
From around 20 months up until kindergarten, Sarah Kate attended MDO/preschool at a church that was located in an older section of town. It had a tiny lot with disability spaces next to the building, and parallel parking on the street, but most of the parking options required crossing a two-lane road. Day after day, I showed up to drop Sarah Kate off for preschool and all of the spaces were filled.
Bad luck, right? Limited space, right? Nope. I knew most of the parents – many of whom attended that church with us. I knew which cars the moms drove, and a handful of them were the ones that I saw, day after day, parking illegally in the disability spaces.
It was frustrating.
Every time that I wasn’t able to park in a disability space, my blood boiled. I could either wait for the mom who parked there “just for a minute” to come out and move, making Sarah Kate late for preschool and possibly making me late for whatever appointment I had scheduled for that morning so I could go without a preschooler in tow (a crap shoot because all the moms knew each other and often would stop to chat in the hall “just for a minute” that would turn into 30), or I could seek out a regular parking space.
Parallel spaces near the building were rarely located conveniently near a ramp and most were near the entrance of the building that had only stairs. Parking across the street would require Sarah Kate to cross the street using her walker (read: very slowly in a high traffic area), then either finding a ramp or lifting her and her walker over the tall curb. Alternatively, I could make two trips – one with her and one with the walker – taking excess time that wouldn’t be needed if we were able to park in one of the disability spaces.
It was maddening.
Eventually, I approached the preschool director about the problem, and she sent out a nicely worded letter asking people not to park in disability without a permit. People stopped – for a few weeks. The offenders weren’t nameless, faceless punks engaging in selfish jackassery that I could curse under my breath and go on about my way. They were women that I knew well – moms whose children were Sarah Kate’s playmates and were familiar with her needs and challenges. They seemed not to care one iota that their desire for personal convenience was regularly making our already challenging situation that much more difficult. Their actions told me that while they may have given lip service to embracing differently-abledness, they didn’t feel it in their hearts.
It hurt. A lot.
I know that they weren’t doing it out of malice, just like I know most people who use the r-word don’t do it to be hateful to me or my family. But…that’s exactly my point. All too often, people don’t give any thought at all to how their actions impact others, as long as it benefits them in some way. I wonder: if those women knew that, over five years later and 350 miles away, I’m still hurt by what they did, would they still think that saving a couple of minutes was worth it? Maybe they wouldn’t care, but they probably DO care about what other people think about them – it’s human nature. Would you think highly of someone who did what they did? Would you have done what they did?
Think, people.
Note: I try very hard not to judge, because I’ve forgotten to hang our placard on the mirror from time to time, and I’ve been the target of dirty looks (I’m obviously able-bodied when I get out of the car in my running clothes, and if Sarah Kate isn’t out of the car yet, I certainly LOOK like an offender). Having said that, some people willingly choose to break the rules, and others are just plain inconsiderate. They are the ones of which I post.
I am such a darn rules follower that I just don’t understand people who do this. I never did. But to compound the problem with your situation is mind-boggling.
FWIW, IMO, your disclaimer didn’t need to be here. 😉 But maybe it’s because I get it? We have a friend who not only qualifies for a placard, in our state he has a placard for when he uses his wife’s car or a rental *and* a symbol on his license plate. His wife never uses an HCA spot when he’s not in the car, even if she’s in the car with the plates. But when they do, legitimately use it even though he uses a cane so his issue is not entirely “invisible” – he’s been yelled at by others (usually, sadly, by senior citizens,) for taking “their” spots because he didn’t LOOK like he needed it.
This isn’t about those with “invisible” needs – this is about those with no legitimate reason to use those spots, and don’t even have the placard or plates to do so. I.just.don’t.get.it!!!
Ironically, I finished this post up this morning but didn’t schedule it to publish until 10:00. SK has swim team from 9:15-10:15, and when I got to the pool there was a giant Chevy SUV parked blocking two empty disability spaces. I’m pretty sure that the owner was inside, waiting for her older kid who swims from 8-9:15, assuming that since she was “just going to be a minute” that it was okay. I snapped a quick photo with my phone and posted it to Twitter in advance of my blog post.
The interesting thing is that there are twelve spaces in that roundabout near the building, and half are disability spaces. The regular spaces are a *wee* bit further from the building because they are on the back side of the circle. Not once have I seen someone block a regular space.
And in my experience, it has, more often than not, been senior citizens who’ve given me dirty looks. I did get a few “intentional gazes” this morning, however – I sent Sarah Kate on ahead of me while I unloaded her brother and his various accoutrements; I was still wearing my running clothes.
I’m just getting comfortable with the idea of having disability parking. I feel like a con using it when obviously Malachi can’t walk yet because he’s just a baby, but it has really been a godsend with twins. Also, the law in our state is so vaguely written that it could apply to all babies anyway.
I’m with the above commenter — I’m such a rules follower that I never even considered parking in handicap spaces and assumed no one without a permit would. Now that I can park there, I do notice when people who don’t “look” like they need it park there — but then, who am I to judge?
BTW, I would totally call the cops after giving a warning like that that wasn’t heeded. In our state the handicap spots have big signs that announce a $400 fee for parking there illegally. It wouldn’t take long for them to realize two minutes of convenience wasn’t worth it.
You don’t know how many times I considered calling the cops (and called Mr. Andi to rant and threaten to call the cops). Ultimately, I decided against it, although I did hear later that a woman at the church (who had a disability permit and forgot to hang it up one day) was ticketed in that lot, as were others. None occurred during preschool pickup/dropoff hours, however.
Andi,
I too find this extremely irritating and we do not have a disability permit. It is just the fact that people do not think. They do not follow the rules that have been placed for good and appropriate reasons. I probably would have just pulled up right behind those cars in those spaces and parked. Yep, block them in. I am sorry to say that I am passive aggressive like that. I see this all the time at places like Blockbuster where they just want to jump out of the car and drop off the movie. There is no space other than the disability parking spot right up front and heaven forbid they have *gasp* walk a few feet. My friend lost a leg due to a clot and while she does have an artificial limb, it is extremely taxing for her to walk long distances such as those described above. She too is passive aggressive–she takes a picture of their car in the spot and sends it to the police.
I considered parking behind them at the preschool, but the disability spaces were located in an area where moms did “car line” for the private kindergarten that was also located in the building. I never wanted to inconvenience others because of being inconvenienced myself (although that probably would have gotten my point across really, REALLY well!)
I just found your blog today and I can’t stop reading, let me just say it, you’re brilliant! I am a momma of 3, 1 with very severe special needs – Rett Syndrome. 🙂