I stood next to the dresser we’ve been using as a changing table and looked down at the vomit on Nathan’s and my shirts and pants. #$@! It was one of the first cool mornings of the fall and, knowing it was going to warm up later, I had very few options for dressing him. Oh, well. To Target we would go with fresh cheese on our clothes. I’m not proud.
Despite my proper southern upbringing, I’ve always preferred to go without makeup and wear comfortable clothing, but there was a time in my life when I wore lipstick every day and dressed for success (as opposed to dressing to clean toilets, or, on a good day, in running clothes that actually match). Back in those days, I went to school at night to earn my M.B.A. and I had executive mentors to guide me in my career. There isn’t a single person who knew me then that would ever have expected me to become a stay-at-home mom, yet here I am.
Mr. Andi and I met through work – in the human resources lobby, in fact, where we were about to interview for the same job – so I’m still, at least tangentially, connected to that world. It’s common for him (and me) to come in contact with people who I used to know in my former life, and sometimes that stings a bit.
In some ways, it’s tough to not be that person anymore – when I hear about career levels that my former peers have reached, when I’m cleaning up after a vomit-cano, and when I’m looking at our family budget and investment accounts and worrying that we aren’t putting away enough for Sarah Kate’s college tuition or Nathan’s future, I wish I was my corporate self again.
Most of the time, though, I take pride in keeping a (mostly) clean house, being home with my children instead of sending them to daycare, and having the flexibility to walk Daisy the Wild Westie down by the bay whenever I feel like it. I like the fact that during the summers, I can load up the kids and head to the beach on a weekday because friends from far away are vacationing nearby.
On Tuesday, I relayed the details about how Sarah Kate’s First Communion reality was very different from what I had envisioned prior to the event. The same holds true for my life – it’s very different from what I expected. But different isn’t bad – different is just different – and in some ways, different can be better.
My life isn’t glamorous and I’m not a powerful executive, but I do get to spend my days in T-shirts and without makeup, and that’s the person I really was, anyway. As the song goes, I didn’t get what I wanted, but I did get what I needed.
I don’t know how I got here – it was a long and winding road, to be sure – but I’ve embraced the life I have now.
What about you? Did you get what you wanted, or did life give you what you needed?
I found this interesting and refreshing because I often reflect that my present life bears little resemblance to what I expected and planned for.
My changes have usually Bernard drastic, but I, too, love the life I have found and the person I have become.
I agree with Anne – my life did not take the path that I, and might I add, my mother thought it was supposed to: come home after college to find a job, get married, have kids, etc etc etc. Life gave me a job that turned into a fantastic career that that I loved, a loving husband with a daughter who is everthything I could have asked for in a child of my own, dear friends and sisters around the world, and the where with all to retire early. Blessed indeed!
I thought I would manage fitness centers forever and actually fix my hair and wear make up everyday too. Now I work at home so that means, no make up, hair in a ball cap and running clothes are my normal attire too. (so why is there always so much laundry)
Yesterday I got my first pedicure since my class reunion in October – toes were scary!! My family is coming to visit, I have to look a little put together:)
Now I have my boys and being with them is the best thing ever….they don’t care if I wear makeup or not:) I never thought I would be a WAHM – ever:) It is great!
Great reflection!! I say you are incredibly blessed, perhaps even more so than the execs up top. Have you ever seen the movie the Family Man? It was on TV today, one of my faves. It’s about a man who lives a corporate exec life and has no family, then suddenly wakes up one day to find himself with a beautiful wife–the girl he rejected years ago for his career–and wonderful, beautiful kids. There’s a lot going on in that movie that really depicts how beautiful life is because of our family, and how there is so much more beauty in the life of love even when it’s not so glamorous with fancy jobs and bank accounts. I guess what I’m saying that there are probably people in the opposite situation wishing they had what you had—I mean, I sure want a beautiful spouse with great kids—but between the two, I think the life you live is much more meaningful.
For me, it’s hard to say if life has given me what I wanted since I still have so much ahead of me! Lol I’m 23 and I haven’t “settled” so to speak. Although I really feel much much older than I am. I look back on my life, and it just seems like I’m a billion years old. I feel that so much has happened, there have been so many chapters and adventures with endless richness and color. Yet for all the beauty that I’ve experienced, I still play the “what-if” scenario all the time…asking things like, why couldn’t have things played out better for me? Why couldn’t I have taken the artistic route? Gone to a different school? Taken a different major? Not had my heart utterly devastated? I think about those things a lot, especially the last one, and after so long, I’ve just become tired of it. It hurts. It’s draining. But going with your idea, I do think life has given me something from all of it. And that is a lesson in self-love, self-forgiveness, and strength. That is what I’m really focusing on now, and that’s the direction these former wounds have brought me to—and I’m really grateful for it. I don’t want a relationship to be one where I can’t provide my own strength or fulfillment because then I’ll be a drain to my partner; ideally, I think both me and my wife should provide that happiness and fulfillment to ourselves, and share it with each other. I think this time period of my life is teaching me to give all those great things—strength, compassion, discipline, wisdom—to myself. I don’t think I could have gotten it if all those former desires of mine were handed to me on a silver platter.
sorry for the long post, lol.
I have not seen that movie, Jon Michael, but have now added it to my Netflix queue based on your recommendation!
I can tell from all of your comments that you are an “old soul” and a thinker. As a fellow thinker, I can tell you with confidence that the “what if” questions probably won’t go away any time soon. I’m 41, and I still ask myself those questions, though not as often anymore. One thing I do know – all of my decisions (good and bad) and everything that’s happened to me in my life has molded me and shaped me in some way. I definitely don’t have it all figured out, but I feel like I’m getting somewhere – like I’m finally figuring out what my purpose is in this life. You will find what/who you’re looking for, too.
And I think you may have inspired a new blog post!