Some People Are Just A-holes

Well, now – I bet that got your attention, didn’t it?

I used to believe that all people were inherently good, and while I’ve long since given up that idealistic absolute in favor of the similar, but critically different, belief that MOST people are inherently good, it’s been an interesting week for me in terms of my observations about people’s natures. I don’t have any great insight to share – in fact, this post will end with more questions than answers – but it’s what’s on my heart today.

There are a lot of good people in the world. Tons. Lots of people who make poor choices, to be sure, but still good people at heart. Many good people manned up this week and admitted to Mr. Andi, myself, and others who have been crusading to end the r-word that they have used the r-word and now they’re going to stop. These are good people who have elected to start making better choices. People who came to the realization that what they were doing was hurting others. Good and decent people. I love these people, because I am one of those people – people who are basically decent, but recognize that they are flawed, and yet continually work to improve ourselves.

Then there are the a-holes. I don’t know why some people are unrepentant a-holes, but they just are. One mom learned during her crusade to end the r-word last week on Twitter how unrepentant some people can be.

The Godfather with Nathan

Last weekend I took the kids to Orlando to visit with my friend, Katie, and her parents (we call them the Fairy Godmother and the Godfather – no fairy, please!) Katie, the Fairy Godmother, and the Godfather aren’t my blood relatives. In fact, I’ve only known Katie for about five years and her parents for a little less than four, but in that time they’ve become like family to me. They have all embraced my children and their challenges in a way that few people do. I don’t think I’m being presumptious in saying that the Fairy Godmother and the Godfather consider themselves to be unofficial grandparents to Nathan and Sarah Kate. These three people are the salt of the earth, and they have done so much for me over the past few years that I long ago gave up trying to repay them. I love them dearly.

By contrast, I have an extended family member (we’ll call him “C”) who is deeply flawed, but I have loved him my entire life. Despite C’s flaws, I never believed that he would hurt me or mine. I thought he loved us in the same way that I loved him. He has declared on a number of occasions that Mr. Andi was like a son to him. Just a few years ago, I would have expected C and his wife to be unofficial grandparents to my kids, given that they have no grandchildren of their own. It’s hard for me wrap my head around how he has betrayed us. It’s hard for me to believe that this person, this beloved family member, will never be a part of my life again. It’s hard for me to grasp that he will never meet my son, or see my daughter grow up.

Sarah Kate with C in January of 2005

I’ve been watching C’s actions for awhile, struggling to find the reason behind why he was doing the things he’s been doing. His actions haven’t targeted me directly, so I have tried to create different scenarios in my mind that would somehow, if not justify, at least explain why he was acting this way. I wanted to believe that one day he would wake up and realize that all of his machinations were destroying his relationship with his family – the only family he had left in the world, save his wife and children. Upon returning from Orlando, however, I learned of the latest in C’s long series of betrayals, and I finally faced facts.

Some people are poisonous, and I’ve decided to suck the poison out of my life.

I don’t understand how blood relatives who’ve been a part of your life for decades can cast you aside like yesterday’s rubbish, and I can’t comprehend how people who aren’t your blood relatives and don’t even live near you can love and care for you in a way that a blood relative won’t. It’s just one of those things in life that I’ll never understand.

One thing I do know, though: I am so grateful to have wonderful friends to fill the void left by the family member that I used to love.