Andi Speaks

Several months ago, I was asked to speak at an Atlanta-area Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) meeting. I accepted, feeling that it would be a good opportunity to spend the weekend with my sister and a chance to educate people about the challenges of special needs parenting. Many times over the past few months I’ve given thought to what I planned to say, but I didn’t sit down to prepare my written notes until recently. I’ve never had a problem with public speaking, so I never had any doubt I could do it.

Committing my thoughts to paper was, in a word, challenging. My mind was incredibly disorganized and I just could not pull my thoughts out of it. I was paralyzed. Typically, when I’m under deadline pressure, Mr. Andi takes over so I can get down to the nitty-gritty, but with a week to go before my speech, Mr. Andi’s world fell into chaos, as well. I’ll spare you the details, but it involved work, a (now former) friend, lies, and the media. Not a good combination.

I finally managed to get something down on paper, however disorganized, and went to work editing. On Monday, I was reduced to tears, feeling that it was never going to come together. My message was important, and I needed it to be good. On Wednesday, I continued my editing, as well as doing laundry and preparing to leave for Atlanta on Thursday morning. My last load of laundry was diapers (yes, I use cloth and no, I’m not crazy!) During the pre-wash cycle, the washer died. Wouldn’t drain. Full load of pee-and-poo water. Sigh.

I made it to Atlanta without incident on Thursday. When I got up on Friday morning, I checked my email and saw that I had two new anonymous comments on my blog (you can read them here and here). My heart sank as I read them. I could very easily have dismissed them if they had been hateful or nasty, but they weren’t. They were just negative enough to get under my skin and make me hesitate for just a moment and wonder “Should I be doing this? Am I opening up my children to something damaging or setting them up for more difficulty by speaking and blogging about our lives?”

Looking back on it now, it all seems pretty ridiculous that I would have been so disheartened by a single major appliance failure and a couple of anonymous comments, but I really felt that Someone was working against me. Not knowing what else to do, I emailed Mr. Andi at home, talked to my sister, and reached out via Facebook and Twitter for support. I got it – tenfold. So many people lifted me up, but one Facebook friend in particular hit it out of the park:

It takes passion and truth to change and inspire others. That is something that I think you have. You will do well, there are many people who just don’t get it. It’s not your job to change them but yet to inform and inspire those who are open to hear.

I was buoyed by the support (mostly from afar) and emboldened to speak.

I had something important to say.

As I sat in the room, waiting to be introduced, two ladies came in, just a few minutes late. I immediately noticed that one of the ladies had Down syndrome.

My son, one member of a shrinking population, was the reason I was there.

My daughter, who faces a lifetime of physical challenges, was the reason I was there.

I walked to the podium and did my talk.

*Although I changed a few things on the fly, I stayed pretty close to my original notes. If you’d like to see my speech, you can find it here.