I’ve had several folks ask “Did you know?” since Nathan was born. What they want to know is whether or not we knew ahead of time that our baby would be born with Down syndrome. I’m guessing that for every person that feels comfortable asking, there is another person that isn’t, but still wants to know the answer, so I’ll cover that here. The answer is no. We did not have any idea. We rejected all prenatal testing other than the ultrasounds (I had three – at 8, 18, and 31 weeks). Yes, my doctor did offer amniocentesis. We declined.
So…knowing what I know now, would I do it again, or would I choose the testing? I absolutely would not choose testing. I would have worried myself sick and been stressed every waking minute if I had known about Nathan’s diagnosis (and I didn’t sleep much while pregnant as it was, so that would have been a lot of waking minutes!) I will be forever grateful that I was blissfully unaware for all those months. Yes, it was something of a shock, but I never once wavered in my love for this child. I don’t know if that’s because God gave me peace when I needed it or if it was something more deeply maternal at work, but by the time I heard the words “Down syndrome” uttered I had already seen and fallen in love with my baby boy.
After arriving home from the hospital, I began to research Down syndrome in earnest. I have known some individuals with Ds and had a vague knowledge of some of the health issues that the extra 21st chromosome can cause, but I knew I had lots to learn. One statistic that I discovered during my research was that nine out of every ten cases diagnosed prenatally are aborted. When I read that, I felt sick to my stomach. [Feel free to do your own research – I have seen numbers anywhere from 85-93%.] It was at that point that I began to consider the decision to skip the testing as not just a personal choice, but a statement in favor of life. It’s not been so long ago that children with Down syndrome were shut away from society, but that’s simply not the case anymore, and I find it tragic that now, when so many more options are available to individuals with Ds, so many of them are not being permitted to live. I can only assume that people make that choice because they feel they “can’t handle it”.
9 out of 10?!!! That statistic is staggering! And very sad. God doesn't make mistakes. Surprises, yes, but no mistakes. You have already been a blessing to other people just by sharing your stories. It helps us all appreciate the everyday miracles of life! Thanks for sharing. —-Beth—-(ROTE)
I can't stop the stream of tears falling from my eyes Andi. I was one of those people who was afraid to ask about Nathan; but knew from his pictures. I have always thought of you as a wonderful person, "way before motherhood". You were a friend to me when you didn't have to be; you treated me like all your other friends even though I was not like them; your family took me in when I needed a home and support. And for that you are special to me and always will be. Your right about God giving you special needs children for a reason; because I beleieve that God does everything for a reason; and he never gives us more than we can handle. Love always my friend.
Hogwash is right! Thirteen years ago, I could have written the same post. If Nate is anything like our son, Shawen, he will definitely make your life a lot more interesting – in a good way – Congratulations –
What an interesting post…and I am SHOCKED and saddened by that statistic. I have an about-to-be-4-year-old son with CP and after having one child with “special needs”, I can confidently say that if I ever have another child, I will be like you…not bothering with all that prenatal testing. I’ve had a few discussions with friends and family about this and they seem actually surprised when I say that…which I don’t get at all…I mean seriously, I can’t imagine my life without my son (CP and all)! Loving reading through your blog!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, Cary. While I certainly understand why some women prefer to know in advance – to prepare, especially if their child will require additional non-typical care immediately following birth – the unfortunate side effect (or is it actually the goal?) is that many women elect to abort their “imperfect” children. Next year, there will be a non-invasive blood test available that can detect Down syndrome in the first trimester. How many more women will choose abortion when they no longer have to undergo invasive procedures and when their friends and family are less likely to judge them, because they didn’t know they were pregnant?